Finding Your Marbles
A Mental Health Survival Guide

Ok, don’t get me wrong. I love parties. They are loads of fun and they are a great way to meet people. However, I admit that I struggled with the title of this article because I didn’t want to make it sound like I thought of parties as something that had to be “survived.” (my original title was “How to Have Fun at a Party” but I hated that one even more.)

However, for someone with anxiety, parties can be pretty scary, but it doesn’t have to be that way. People with anxiety can enjoy parties as much as anyone else! The trick is to develop some skills to manage your anxiety so you can go and have a good time. So, please forgive me for the crappy title, and let’s talk about parties.

They like you, they really like you!

Ok first thing. If you have been invited to a party, this probably means that the person who is inviting you likes you. Or, at least 9/10ths of the time they do anyway. I guess what I’m trying to say is that you are being invited for a reason.

I can emphasize that enough. A party is a chance for a group of people who like each other to get together and have fun. If you were invited, it means that your host likes you, and he or she thinks that the other guests will like you too. So when you go to a party, keep that in mind. The people there will be happy to see you, and your host will be glad you came.

Now I know that this probably doesn’t apply to “official” parties, like work parties, but even in those cases there are bound to be people at the party who like you, or who will like you once they meet you.

And finally, for those parties where you don’t know anyone, I will say it again; there is bound to be someone at the party who likes you.

This is a very important thing to remember when you are anxious. I know how difficult it can be to go into a party when you are messed up from anxiety, but the thing that always got me through parties was finding someone who liked me.

Honesty is the Best Policy

Ok, you’re at the party. You’re trying to balance a drink, a napkin, those little stuffed pastry things (what’s in those things anyway?) in one hand, and trying to find a corner or quiet spot to get your head together.

Hopefully you will find someone you know, or, failing that, try to find the host. Once you do, go say hi to them. Alternatively, you could wait for them to come and say hi, but that doesn’t work so well. People tend to instinctively avoid people who stand alone at parties. Don’t ask me why, it just seems to happen that way.

Once you find someone you know, tell them that you are nervous at parties. Don’t just blurt out “Hi I’m Scott and I’m nervous at parties” (although I have done that) but try to let them know that you might be a bit nervous about being at a party, especially if you don’t know any of the other guests.

This works. Most people want to help other people out, and 9 times out of 10 the other person will try to make you feel better by either talking to you for a while, or by introducing you to some other people. The important thing is to be honest about how you feel.

You Don’t Need to be a Social Butterfly

My wife is incredible at parties. She just seems to know exactly what to say, and she is always at the center of every crowd. I don’t know how she does it. I have tried to imitate her, and I just don’t seem to have that skill. It’s her gift.

What I’m saying is that there is no requirement to be a social butterfly to have fun at a party. I know that it seems like there is a lot of pressure to be social, but really, nobody is going to hate you if you spend the party on the sofa talking to one or two people. Everyone is there to have fun, and if you are having fun by having quiet conversations with a few people, then that’s just fine. (remember my first point about people liking you)

There are really only 2 requirements to be social at a party. The first one is that you need to spend some time with the host. This is usually a very short conversation, because they will be incredibly busy hosting their party. The second is that you should probably spend some time with your friends. (if you’re like me you’ll spend the night sticking around your friends anyway) Other than that, there is really nothing else that you have to do at a party besides have fun.

Alcohol & Drugs

If you are on medication, it is a really good idea to avoid drinking and definitely a good idea to avoid drugs. Even if you are not on medication, moderation is the key. The last thing you want to do is to get smashed at a party and then have an anxiety attack. No fun and really hard to explain later.

If someone asks why you aren’t drinking, just tell them you are driving, or just say that you didn’t feel like drinking tonight.

Take Time Outs

If you find the party is really getting to you and you are getting anxious, take a time out. Either grab an empty room or the bathroom (you’ll get about 3 minutes in the bathroom before someone needs it, so it’s not a good place to chill if you need more time) or leave the party for a few minutes and go take a walk.

Don’t worry too much about telling people where you are going. If anyone asks, tell them that you need a breath of fresh air. People will understand that you might need a quick time out (or they will assume that you are going for a smoke) and it won’t be a big problem. Just get away for a few minutes to recover and then rejoin the party.

Bailing Out

Sometimes you need to just bail out of a party. As a wise man once said, “you’ve got to know when to walk away.” (ok, it was Kenny Rogers who said that)

There is no shame in leaving a party early. However, if you do have to leave, it is a good idea to thank your host before you go. If they ask you why you are going, just say you aren’t feeling well or that you have an early morning the next day.

After the Party

After the party, go home and relax. Try not to dwell on any negative thoughts about the party (”what did Steve mean when he said that thought that I looked uncomfortable?”) and keep a positive focus. And reward yourself! Parties can be very tough when you’re anxious, so make sure to treat yourself well afterwards. If you had to leave the party and you are still feeling anxious, try doing some relaxation exercises or taking a bath. But be good to yourself.

Finally, the next day, make sure to thank the host again;(a short email will do) and catch up with your friends.

Anxiety Life Relationships Work

This entry was posted on Thursday, February 15th, 2007 at 8:52 am and is filed under Anxiety, Life, Relationships, Work. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment or trackback from your site.

del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Ask Google Netscape StumbleUpon Technorati Yahoo!

These posts may be related:

How to Relax Using Deep Breathing Techniques »

What To Do When You Are Triggered »

How to Use Sticky Notes to Make Your Life Easier »

How To Survive a Panic Attack Part 1 »