Finding Your Marbles
A Mental Health Survival Guide

Since my original post on resources for rape survivors, 10 Things to Do If You Have Been Raped, I have received hundreds of emails from readers who are looking for resources that can help them survive the first stages of healing from rape. Since then, I’ve been searching for “first aid” resources, resources that can provide immediate support and help for people who are in a crisis and need help NOW.

It has taken a year, but I have found two resources that I feel are the best resources out there for rape survivors in crisis. They are both easily accessible, friendly, and best of all, they are provided by people who know exactly what rape survivors need in order to heal. Enough from me. Here they are:

Continue reading “Two New Resources for Rape Survivors” »

Because I am “in the business,” I spend a fair amount of time reading self-help blogs and sites. Most of these sites mean well, and their authors sincerely do want to help other people get rich, lose weight, or manage their time. Some, however, are not so good, and can present a real danger to anyone suffering from a mood disorder or mental illness.

In this article, I will talk about self-help websites, how they can benefit you in your recovery, and what pitfalls you should avoid.

Continue reading “How to Avoid the Dangers of Self-Help Websites” »

The other day I had a terrible experience on one of the mental health forums where I am a member. A few members launched an attack on me, something that occurs all too common on any forum, but on a mental health forum they can be particularly disruptive. After I was unsuccessful in my attempts to get the members to withdraw their attack, I wrote to the forum administrators to complain.

Their response caught me off guard, to say the least:

You are known to be outspoken so you shouldn’t be surprised when you get attacked by other members.name withheld

Well.

Continue reading “What To Do When You are Being Bullied” »

I recently had the opportunity to interview Dr. Eric Maisel, who is a family therapist, creativity coach, trainer and author of the book “Ten Zen Seconds.” Ten Zen Seconds is a very cool centering technique that uses easy to learn “incantations” and breathing exercises to help you quickly become centered and achieve a state of calm. I’ve been going through a lot of anxious moments lately with our house sale, and I have been using some of Eric’s techniques to calm myself. It works pretty well. If you are looking for a good, useful tool to manage your day to day mental health, you might want to give Ten Zen Seconds a shot.

Continue reading “Interview with Dr. Eric Maisel, Author of “Ten Zen Seconds”” »

“If you have tears, prepare to shed them now.”

William Shakespeare

My son has a great skill. Whenever he gets hurt, he starts crying, and brings the hurt to mummy or daddy to get it checked out. Usually a quick kiss will take care of it, and then he happily goes right back to whatever he was doing.

Crying is our first language. As babies, we cried to let our parents know when we were scared, or hungry, or tired. It was our way of saying, “I need help right now!”

Crying has two purposes: 1) to announce that something hurts, and 2) to release the pain of whatever hurts. I don’t know the psychology behind it, but I do know that after he cries, my son is always in a great mood. Crying is a natural release for him.

Somehow, as we grew into adults, we forgot the secret of crying. We were taught that “crying is for babies” and that it is important to keep our emotions inside. So, instead of learning to release our pain through crying, we are taught to numb it through drugs, self-torture, and silent suffering.

This is what we have lost as adults. We are afraid to cry, and even when we do break down and actually shed some tears, we are overcome with anxiety because we “showed weakness.”

That’s a complete lie. Crying is not a sign of weakness. I don’t look down on my son because he cries when he is hurt. When he cries, it serves as a signal between us that he is hurting, and that’s all. He isn’t weak for asking me for help or comfort.

I can figure out where this went wrong. Adults, particularly men, can’t seem to cry. This is a terrible tragedy. Somehow one of our most valuable and powerful coping skills has been stolen from us.

Continue reading “How To Cry” »

Wow do I hear that question a lot.

I think that I can confidently speak for every person who is suffering from a mental illness when I say that disclosure is their single biggest concern. Before I disclosed, I spent a lot of time worrying what my friends and families would think of me if they found out that I suffered from depression. Even now, after I have recovered and I am completely public about my history with mental illness, I sometimes worry if I have done the right thing by disclosing.

Talking about mental illness is very tough, and it is very important to make sure that you are telling people about your mental illness for the right reasons. Disclosing can put you in a very vulnerable position, so if you are not completely comfortable about why you are disclosing, you could be setting yourself up for a painful and damaging experience.

However, there is probably no greater step that you can take in your recovery than disclosing. Telling other people about your mental illness can be a very liberating experience, and it can bring you an incredible amount of support and self-confidence. The important thing is to do it for the right reasons.

Continue reading “Disclosure Series Part 1: Should You Tell People About Your Mental Illness?” »

“How do I tell other people that I have a mental illness?”

It’s the million-dollar question. When, or if, should you tell your friends and family about your mental illness?

Disclosure is one of the biggest steps in recovery from mental illness, and it is also one of the most terrifying steps to take. People with mental illness face an incredible amount of discrimination in our society, so many sufferers are afraid to break the silence about their mental illness. In some ways, these fears are justified. There is a chance that if you disclose, you will not be believed, or some people will judge you and even discriminate against you. You might find that people treat you differently after you disclose.

However, that doesn’t mean that you should keep your mental illness a secret forever. In my opinion, there are major benefits to telling other people about your mental illness, and disclosure can be a very positive step in your healing. It was in mine.

This week I will be writing a series of 4 articles on disclosure, covering topics such as whether you should disclose, overcoming fear of disclosure, and who you should tell first. I’ll be sharing my own experiences with going public, as well as any advice or warnings that I have picked up along the way.

Continue reading “Series: Telling Other People About Your Mental Illness” »

I love sticky notes. I think they are one of the greatest inventions of all time.

I use them everywhere. Right now, in my office, I have at least 10 that I can see in front of me, and another dozen or so more scattered around the room. I’m a bit crazy about them.

If you have a mental illness, sticky notes can be a real lifesaver. By using them, you can leave yourself important little messages that will be right there when you need them. I think that once you start using sticky notes to manage your life, you’ll wonder how you ever got by without them.

So grab a pen, and a pad of sticky notes, and lets go.

Continue reading “How to Use Sticky Notes to Make Your Life Easier” »

I love meditation.

I started meditating about a year ago, and it has made a huge difference in my peace of mind and my health. I am calmer, more relaxed, and I feel a lot better about myself.

Meditation can also be a great way to manage mental illness. Not only is it relaxing, but meditating also helps you center your thoughts and feelings, which enables to you focus on your healing instead of on your symptoms.

I have tried a bunch of different types of meditation, but the one that works the best for me, and the one that I think has had the biggest positive effect on my mental health, is the ancient“Lectio Divina,” meditation style used by Benedictine monks. It takes a little bit of practice, but it’s easy to learn so you’ll be able to get going very quickly.

Continue reading “How To Meditate Like a Monk” »

I am a childhood sexual abuse survivor. I am not saying that to gain your sympathy, nor am I trying to start a movement. I am saying it so that if you are a rape survivor and you are reading this article, you will understand that I know what you are going through. I have been there.

In this article, I will give you a list of 10 things that you can do if you have been raped. Some of them will help you in your recovery, some will help you gain justice, and some are just things that I have learned during my own recovery.

However, before I start, there is one thing that I need to say.

It wasn’t your fault.

Write that down and stick it on your wall. Shout it out loud while you are driving in your car. Say it to yourself every morning.

Because it’s true. No matter what you did, or how you acted, or what you wore, or where you were, being raped was not your fault. Never let anyone convince you that it was your fault. You are innocent.

Continue reading “10 Things To Do if You Have Been Raped” »