Finding Your Marbles
A Mental Health Survival Guide

“He’s only big because of his bounces”
– Winnie the Pooh

Courage is one of those things that everyone tries to understand, but that nobody really gets. When most people talk about courage, what they really mean is “fearlessness.” The two concepts couldn’t be more different.

Children are taught that having courage means being fearless. Courage is “ignoring your fear and standing up to danger, no matter how scared you are.” In other words, kids are taught to be Tigger. Brave kids aren’t afraid of anything, and kids who show fear are weak. Sound familiar?

When I was depressed, I was terrified of a lot of things, especially anything to do with other people. I hated going to parties where I didn’t know anyone; and don’t even talk to me about public speaking.

I responded to this fear by doing what I had been taught. I ignored it. I figured that I was being irrational and that I had to get over my fears, just like everyone else did. But it didn’t work. The more I tried to control my fears, the more they seemed to control me. I wasn’t brave at all; I was a weakling, a coward.

It doesn’t have to be this way. I found someone who taught me how to find real courage. Someone who I never suspected of being brave. I found Winnie the Pooh.

“It is hard to be brave, when you’re only a Very Small Animal.”
- Piglet

Now, Winnie the Pooh isn’t anyone’s idea of a hero. He’s scared of everything! He is the exact opposite of the types of heroes we are taught to look up to as kids. But he holds the true secret of courage. Here it is:

Being scared is ok, because we are all Very Small Animals.

Doesn’t sound like much, does it? But that’s the secret of courage. Here’s what I mean:

There is no such thing as a fearless person. It is all a big lie. There is not a person on this planet who isn’t afraid of something. Truly brave people, like firemen who rush into burning buildings to rescue people, are scared to death when they face their fears. But yet they go ahead and do the things that most frighten them. That is because they understand and accept their fear. This is true courage.

So how does Winnie the Pooh show true courage? He shows it by being strong and accepting his fears. Then, he shares his fears, as silly as they may be, with other people. He asks for help.

That’s all. It seems too simple, doesn’t it? But it works.

“You find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”
-Winnie the Pooh

When I began my recovery from depression, I tried to make it “my” victory. I wanted to be the brave one who ignored his fears, and overcame depression all on his own. And it worked, for a while. Then, I fell flat on my face. While I thought I was being brave by ignoring my fears, they grew and grew until they overwhelmed me. I crashed and burned.

When I finally recovered from the crash, I realized that I was going about things the wrong way. If I tried to fight my depression alone, I was going to lose. Fighting depression alone wasn’t being brave, it was being dumb. So I started to talk to other people about my fears. First, I talked to my wife, and then (much later) I began to talk to my therapists.

Talking about my fears was one of the hardest things that I have done. I felt like a weakling who couldn’t handle things on his own. But, as I started to share my fears and I stopped trying to face them by myself, I slowly began to find that although I was still scared, my fears didn’t seem to scare me as much any more. In other words stopped being like Tigger, and I started being like Pooh. I found the strength to face my fears by admitting I was scared.

Winnie the Pooh had taught me courage.

That’s the secret. We are all scared, just like Pooh. But when we tell people about our fears, those fears seem a lot smaller.

You can start right now. Try taking one small fear, doesn’t matter what it is, and write it down. If you want, you can share it by writing about it in the comments after this post. Write down whatever comes to mind when you think of the fear. Give it a try. I will bet that you will notice a difference, even if you only write about a “little” fear. Remember that you can post anonymously so you will have total privacy.

You will be surprised how much of a difference it makes.

“Pooh, Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
-Christopher Robin

Courage Depression Life Mental Health Personal Growth

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 11th, 2007 at 10:14 am and is filed under Life, Personal Growth. You can follow responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment or trackback from your site.

del.icio.us Digg Furl Reddit Ask Google Netscape StumbleUpon Technorati Yahoo!

These posts may be related:

Finding My Song »

Two New Resources for Rape Survivors »

Disclosure Series Part 1: Should You Tell People About Your Mental Illness? »

Blog Review: Ask Dan and Jennifer »