Therapy Series Part 3: What to do After Each Therapy Session
In Part 2 of this series: Your First Therapy Appointment I talked about how to prepare for your first therapy session, and what to expect from therapy and your therapist. In this article, I will discuss what you can do after each therapy session to make your therapy more effective, and to help you survive the most difficult parts.
One day I was talking to a friend of mine who was going through some particularly difficult therapy sessions for anxiety. We were talking about how we both felt after our sessions were over. My friend described the “after-therapy” feeling to a T. He said, “It’s the feeling that you get after you have been to the gym or after you just spent all day working hard. You are exhausted, sore, and at the end of your strength, but there is a little voice inside you saying “Hooray, I did it!”"
First Things First: Unwind
After each therapy session, your first priority should be to unwind. I liked to go for a little drive and listen to my favorite music in my car, or sometimes I would go for a coffee. Whatever you decide to do, be good to yourself. Try not to dwell too much on the session, especially if it was a difficult one. Take your time, relax, and treat yourself well.
If you are very anxious after your session, try some breathing exercises or stress-busting tricks like taking a long bath or going for a walk.
Try to avoid doing any mentally strenuous work after your session. (it is not the time to do your taxes) Your main goal should be to relax.
Processing
After you have had a chance to relax, you will be ready to begin processing your therapy session. This will have two components, 1) subconscious and 2) conscious.
Subconscious processing is when your brain works through the new information it has received and tries to “make sense” of it. This might sound a bit strange, so let me give you an example.
When i was in therapy for depression, part of my therapy was “narrative.” This meant that I told “stories” about myself and how I felt. Like, “Scott is very sad today because he missed the bus this morning.” It sounds a bit strange, but it worked for me. Anyway, part of narrative therapy is that by telling the stories, you access feelings and moods that you may be unaware of, or you “trigger” moods that are lying beneath the depression. In other words, you uncover parts of your mind that have been hidden.
After these sessions, I found that I would have emotions out of the blue. When I asked my therapist what they were, she told me that my brain was working through the new information, and the emotions were the “side effects.”
What this means to you, is that after therapy sessions, especially after very intense ones, you may notice effects, moods and sensations that seem to come out of nowhere. Those are signs of subconscious processing.
“Conscious processing” on the other hand, is when you actively think about your therapy and any insights that it may have brought you. Say you were in therapy for aquaphobia (fear of water) and in your therapy session you recalled an extremely traumatic childhood event that involved water. After your session, you will probably reflect on that event, and how it could have possibly helped cause your aquaphobia.
Most likely you will experience a combination of the two types of processing, so for example you might have intense memories accompanied by very strong emotions. In some cases these feelings can be overwhelming. The thing to remember about processing is that it is harmless. Any thoughts, sensations or memories that you have cannot hurt you. You are safe.
There are a variety of ways to get through the “processing” stage, but the one that worked best for me was writing.
Write It Down
I love writing, and I have always used it to express myself. So, when I began therapy, I naturally wanted to write about it.
When my therapy got really hard, I began to write about the pain I felt, and the various emotions and sensations that I was experiencing. As I went on in therapy, my writing grew to be a major part of my sessions. I would write down my thoughts and experiences, and then, in my next session, my therapist and I would talk about what I had written down the week before.
Writing down your thoughts can be a great way to cope with the emotional turmoil that can result from therapy. It can be really helpful to get your thoughts out and down on paper.
Your therapist may give you instructions on how to write out your thoughts, or you may just decide to do it on your own. Whatever the case, try to just let your thoughts flow out. Don’t try to analyze or manage your thoughts. Just write down whatever you are thinking.
Other people I have met have trouble writing out their thoughts so they draw, or sing, or find some other creative way to express their thoughts. There is no “right” way to do it. Find whatever works for you, and go with it. The important thing is to get it out.
Talking to Others About Therapy
Throughout my therapy sessions, my wife and I had an agreement. She wouldn’t ask me about my therapy unless I wanted to talk about it, and I wouldn’t try to talk to her about my therapy unless she was ok with talking about it. It worked well.
You will be very tempted to talk to other people about your therapy, especially right after your sessions. There are some pros and cons to doing this.
On the pro side, talking about therapy can help you work through your feelings, it can help you understand some of the thoughts that you are having, and it can help you get a better perspective on your therapy and your progress.
On the con side, talking about your therapy can result in a lot of confusion, especially if the other person is not familiar with therapy. It can also place a lot of strain on relationships (this is especially true if you are in therapy for relationship issues or abuse), it can cause trauma to other people, and it can lead you into false conclusions surrounding your therapy and your recovery.
There is no easy answer to whether or not you should talk to other people about your therapy. If you are in doubt, the best advice I can give you is to talk to your therapist about your concerns. They are in the best position to advise you.
Homework
Most therapists will give you homework to be completed before your next session. This could include readings, exercises, or recommendations for certain types of activity like going for a run to manage anger. In general, it is a good idea to try to get your homework done. Therapy sessions are only 50 minutes long, and a lot of the work you will need to do in order to recover can’t be completed just in your therapy sessions.
Contacting Your Therapist
I have saved this for last. Everyone who goes through therapy will, at one time or another, struggle with whether or not they should call their therapist between sessions. This could be because they have questions, or are having a crisis, or just because they need to talk.
There are two things that you can do to make the decision to call your therapist easier.
The first is simple. Ask your therapist if they mind you contacting them between sessions, and, if they are ok with you contacting them, how they would like you to reach them. Most therapists have a preferred contact method.
Second, ask your therapist when you should contact them. In general, therapists are pretty open to being contacted out of session, but they are very busy, and they may not have a lot of time to talk. Ask what times would be better for you to call.
Next, when you do decide to call your therapist, don’t beat yourself up with guilt over it. Therapists understand your struggles, and they will be willing to help you when you call. Having to call your therapist outside of your sessions is perfectly normal.
Finally, don’t be afraid to ask to come in for an “emergency” session if you need one. This will be at your therapist’s discretion, but if you are in crisis and you need to speak to your therapist, let them know this.
Be Good To Yourself
As always, I will end this article with a reminder to be good to yourself. Therapy can be a very exhausting process, and you will need to recharge your batteries from time to time. When you feel yourself getting drained or stressed out, take a time out and find a way to relax.
Tomorrow, in Part 4 of the therapy series: Leaving Your Therapist, I will talk about how therapy relationships end both positively and negatively, and I will share some of my insights about how to know when your therapy relationship is coming to a close. I will also talk about how to maintain a relationship with your therapist after your therapy is over, and I will talk a bit about how to cope after a therapy relationship goes bad.
Anxiety Bipolar Disorder Depression Health Mental Health Panic-Attack PTSD schizophrenia Stress therapy
