Disclosure Series Part 1: Should You Tell People About Your Mental Illness?
Wow do I hear that question a lot.
I think that I can confidently speak for every person who is suffering from a mental illness when I say that disclosure is their single biggest concern. Before I disclosed, I spent a lot of time worrying what my friends and families would think of me if they found out that I suffered from depression. Even now, after I have recovered and I am completely public about my history with mental illness, I sometimes worry if I have done the right thing by disclosing.
Talking about mental illness is very tough, and it is very important to make sure that you are telling people about your mental illness for the right reasons. Disclosing can put you in a very vulnerable position, so if you are not completely comfortable about why you are disclosing, you could be setting yourself up for a painful and damaging experience.
However, there is probably no greater step that you can take in your recovery than disclosing. Telling other people about your mental illness can be a very liberating experience, and it can bring you an incredible amount of support and self-confidence. The important thing is to do it for the right reasons.
The Right Reasons
In my opinion, there are four “good” reasons to tell other people about your mental illness. First and foremost of these is that disclosing can bring you a degree of freedom from your mental illness by getting it out into the open. The second reason is that disclosing can bring you support from other people. Third is that disclosing can serve to inspire other people who are suffering from mental illness themselves, and the fourth reason is that disclosure can provide a very healthy release of bottled-up tension and stress.
Freedom
For me, the biggest benefit of disclosing was that it freed me from my depression. When I started to talk to other people about my depression, I began to learn that I was not the only person who suffered the same way. Also, by telling other people about my depression, I found that I was not as bothered by it. It was almost as if telling people about my depression weakened the hold that it had over me. My depression was no longer just “my” problem.
I think that freedom is the single best reason to disclose. However, it pays to be careful. Disclosing brings freedom, but it also causes you to lose a degree of control over your illness. Once you have told other people about your mental illness, you no longer have control over that information. This can be a bit scary at first, so if you do choose to disclose, make sure that you are comfortable with giving up that degree of control. Once you have told people about your mental illness you can’t take that control back.
Support
Support came as a surprise to me after I disclosed. I started noticing that after I told people that I was suffering from depression, that they became very supportive and helpful. Not everyone was supportive, but there was definitely a big percentage of people who came out to help me.
In retrospect, I guess I should not have been so surprised. People generally want to help others, especially if that other is a family member or a friend. By telling these people about your mental illness, you are informing them that you are suffering and in pain. People who love you will try to offer you support to ease that pain.
Also, disclosure can bring support in other ways. For example, if you disclose your mental illness to your doctor or to a therapist, they can then recommend treatments and therapy to help you.
Although it was not one of my goals for disclosure, the support that I received after I disclosed was definitely a big plus.
Inspiration
Abraham Lincoln is one of my heroes. Whenever I find myself struggling, I think of his example of leadership, bravery and strength, and I get the courage to go on. He is a source of inspiration to me, and to millions of other people.
However, one of the things that I find most inspiring about Lincoln is that he was quite open about his struggles with depression (which was called “melancholia” in Lincoln’s time). Lincoln spoke eloquently and beautifully about his depression and how it was affecting him and his life and he was able to turn his own struggles with depression into a source of strength for others. I want to share this wonderful quote by Lincoln, from a letter that he wrote to a friend who was going through a very difficult time:
“I am anxious to afford some alleviation of your present distress. Perfect relief is not possible, except with time. You can not now realize that you will ever feel better. Is not this so? And yet it is a mistake. You are sure to be happy again. To know this, which is certainly true, will make you some less miserable now. I have had experience enough to know what I say; and you need only to believe it, to feel better at once.” Abraham Lincoln
One of the most positive effects of telling other people about your mental illness is that your story can inspire other people who are still suffering. We can’t all be Abraham Lincoln, but we can follow his example. If you are struggling with whether or not you should disclose, remember that the courage that you show by disclosing could inspire someone else and give them the strength to continue in their own struggle with mental illness.
Release
The first person who I told about my depression was my sister-in-law. I had already been diagnosed with depression by my doctor, and I was under medication and beginning therapy. It was a terrible time in my life and I was overcome with doubt and anxiety about my future.
I don’t remember how the subject came up, but one afternoon I just found myself talking to her about all my fears about depression, the medication, and therapy. However, I can still remember her reply. She said, “I’ve been there.”
It was incredible. Those three words lifted all the pain and anxiety right off my shoulders. For the first time, I felt like I could actually recover from my depression.
If you tell someone about your mental illness, it can help you release all the fears, anxieties and doubts that you have about yourself and your illness. By disclosing, you are relieving yourself of the tension of holding all that stuff in, and the sense of release that you feel after disclosing is one of the greatest feeling in the world.
The Wrong Reasons
Every rose has its thorn, and there are some very harmful reasons for telling other people about your mental illness. I am not going to spend a lot of time on these, but if you find yourself wanting to disclose for one of these reasons, I beg you to reconsider. Disclosing for the wrong reasons can only bring you more pain.
Revenge
If you want to disclose to people in order to get revenge on them for something that they have done, (this is a popular reason for disclosing to parents) please reconsider. “Revenge” disclosure rarely has the effect that you are trying to achieve, I.E., to make the other person feel badly about letting you down or wronging you. Also, these types of disclosures can backfire, especially if the other person is indifferent to your disclosure or if they use it to ridicule or harass you.
Sympathy
If you find that you want to disclose to other people in order to get their sympathy, please reconsider. This type of disclosure is dangerous because what you are really doing is dumping your problems on other people. If you tell other people about your mental illness, they may offer you support, but be careful that you do not expect that support from them. They may be unable to support you in the way that you need, and you will be disappointed. Be careful to set your expectations of support before you disclose.
Manipulation
Some people disclose their mental illness in order to manipulate or blackmail other people. Disclosure is not a weapon, and if you use it in this way, you will be the one who ends up getting hurt, especially if the other person retaliates. As with revenge, manipulation is best avoided.
Self-Abuse
Finally, some people disclose as a way to punish or abuse themselves. If you are thinking of disclosing for these reasons, I strongly urge you to reconsider and speak to a professional about your feelings. Disclosure should be an act of hope, not a way to punish yourself.
Should you Tell?
To answer the question that I posed in the title of this article; should you tell people about your mental illness?”
The answer lies within you. If you read the four “positive” reasons that I have listed for disclosing and you agree with them, then you might want to think about telling other people about your illness. If disclosing scares you to death, or you want to disclose for one or more of the “negative” reasons that I have listed, then maybe disclosure isn’t for you at this time.
Whatever you choose, be comfortable with your decision. Telling other people about your mental illness is a big step, and it is one that you want to take when you are ready. It took me over 3 years to finally get up the courage to go completely public with my mental illness, and I have done it very slowly and carefully. Disclosure is not something that you should rush into.
In Part 2 of this article, How I Overcame My Fear of Talking About My Mental Illness, I will tell the story of how I overcame my own fears of talking about my mental illness, and I will share a few tips and pointers that I learned from the experience.
Courage Depression Health Life Mental Health Personal Growth Relationships
